Social and Political Commentary

Teen-ager of the future

... a unique sneak peek

by Russ Priestley

Far be it from me to criticize our younger generation, namely teen-agers, but here are the facts, as I see them.

I will, however, give you a sneak peek, description and reason for the appearance of what a typical person of that age will look like.

1. The bald cap, formerly called a ball cap, but since the constant wearing of it caused a bald spot, it will be referred to as the bald cap.
2. Hearing aid needed because of several years of loud rock music and boom boxes.
3. Thick-lens glasses to overcome the constant use of the eyes on computers and electronic games, as well as many films.
4. Mouth assumes a constant sucking mode from drinking spring water and soft drinks.
5. Obesity from constant intake of food and drink.
6. Cell phone in pocket. Our model teen-ager has ruined his hearing. He can't hear this phone ring. He must feel the vibration. By doing this he will not miss a call from his friend... the one he left just about eight minutes ago.
7. Note other hand is in a constant cupped position from holding the water bottle and other cylindrical containers.
8. Sloppy slacks with five inches of excess length for growth or maybe just to comply with the appearance of his compatriots.
9. The latest footwear. You don't want to know how much they cost because they feature illuminated directional signals on the back of each.

One score and seven years from now this model teen could be our President. Seniors should not fret too much about that because most of us will not be here. The rest of you, you're on your own.

July 1, 2005

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