Social and Political Commentary

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Oh, Sarah

... we hardly knew ye

by Jerry Norton

Your star blazed like a meteor flashing over the frozen tundra of Alaska down to the lower forty-eight where it crashed and burned. But while your political song may have ended, the melody lingers on. There are many among us in the body politic who would applaud you for your efforts to salvage a doomed candidacy. It was just the guys with whom you aligned yourself that did you in.

You just keep the home fires burning up there in caribou-land in the knowledge that 2012 is not that far away.  The idea would be for you to fall in with the right people next time, thus bringing your many political assets to a winning presidential ticket. May we remind you of the assets to which we allude:

There could be no doubt that your election to office would be a powerful economic stimulant. What JFK did to destroy the men’s hat-wear industry you could do the reverse for women. The first time you donned a fetching bonnet would be a signal for fashion-conscious females everywhere to do the same, thereby restoring the millinery industry. Oh, and your glasses – just wear a new style periodically and optical shops throughout the country would thrive. Change your lipstick shade and trendy ladies would quickly rush to cosmetic counters to keep pace.  And, if you don’t go bald, any alteration to your hairdo would occasion a rush to beauty parlors throughout America.  

The conduct of foreign affairs would really be your long suit. There can be no greater advantage when dealing with foreign male potentates than possessing a pretty face and a well-turned ankle. Even that old KGB thug, Putin, would be putty in your hands. After working your feminine wiles he would allow our missile bases within eleven miles of Moscow. You would also have an additional source of foreign intelligence through your hubby, Todd.  While conducting his fishing business, he could keep you posted on what the “Rooskies” are up to just by peeking across the Bering Strait.

And you could really firm up the vote of the “Right-To-Life” crowd if, between now and the next election, you brought forth another offspring or two. Also your skill with firearms would guarantee you the endorsement of the Second Amendment and NRA folks. There would be no danger of your shooting a hunting partner by accident … you who have brought down big game up there under the northern lights. So gird your loins and hone your political skills as you crouch in waiting like a lioness ready to pounce---  and, four years hence, vindication will be yours.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned … you betcha!


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