... oh, so THAT’s why!!!…
Whenever anyone questioned Casey Stengal, he always said look it up if you don’t believe it. Nobody ever did on his subjects, but I did on THIS subject. Men and women are as different as being from two different planets?? Or, likening men and women to the Classical Roman god Mars and goddess Venus??. For lack of any other logical reason, I’ll accept these theories. But how different ARE they???
I’m sure you’ve seen that “look” that Debra gives Raymond (Everybody Loves Raymond) when she’s upset with him and Raymond responds to it with “What??”, because he doesn’t have a clue as to what’s bothering her which, of course, gets Debra all the more upset. She doesn’t tell him what’s wrong, other than give him the “look” and say “you KNOW what’s wrong!!”, letting him stew and wonder. He tries to make amends by helping around the house, entertaining the kids, joking around (hoping she forgets about whatever it is), and, maybe, even bring her flowers. Then HE gets mad, deciding HE did nothing wrong and will be admitting to “it” if he shows any remorse or apologizes. And so the beat goes on.
I’m sure many men can relate to Raymond’s situation or a variation of it. After 50+ years of marriage, I learned to say “Why do I ask”(to myself) because when I DO ask, generally, the answer further confuses the issue, requiring more “why’s”. The basic questions may simply be “Why are you doing that?”, “Why did you buy that?”, “Why do we have to go there?”, “Why do we have to do that?”. I will ask the question because I have a very logical reason and I expect my wife to see the same logic I see. Why do I think that???. I DON’T know because it’s seldom the case. Her logic can be the complete opposite of mine. And who knows who’s the more logical??...She gave me an answer one time “because I want to”, that stopped me in my tracks...I couldn’t question THAT… NOW, if I forget to bite my tongue and think “why do I ask” and I DO ask a “why” question, she replies “because I want to” and everything is cool.
My wife and her sisters have an uncanny ability of knowing how to finish a sentence for each other, knowing exactly what the other is about to say. So, naturally, my wife thinks she can do likewise with me. I’ll begin a sentence and she’ll try to finish it. I’ll say, “that’s NOT what I was going to say” and I get the “look” that says “ of course you were”. When she and her friends get together at our house, there could be as many as four one on one different conversations going on at the same time and all their ears are on all the other conversations. At unexpected moments, the one on ones change, depending on who hears what in the other conversations. They jump from conversation to conversation depending on the interest or the gossip from mouth to mouth or ear to ear. This is another uncanny ability that only women have. Guys stay with one conversation and just try to out yell each other.
I’m not through yet. One couple picks up another couple for a night out. The husbands sit in the front and the wives in back. The husbands talk; “Hey, how about those Red Sox?..Yeah, and do you believe that Tiger Woods?”...Conversation’s over. The wives talk about kids, health, gossip, shopping, grandkids, cost of things, showers, weddings, so and so, graduations, new baby, and on...and on...and on.
Maybe we missed something in “Wife/Husband Relationships 101” to help us better understand each other’s differences and quirks... OR… maybe it’s part of God’s Plan. HE knows that we would never see eye to eye on certain things and HE also knows that we both think we’re always right…so he “allows” us to point out each other’s “flaws, mistakes, quirks, etc” to make imperfect people perfect like ourselves. It makes sense that if he made us in his own image, he wants us ALL to be perfect.
Don’t get me wrong here!!!...My wife and I are very compatible as I’m sure most other couples are…We seldom differ but when we do it’s usually in that area that we both find it difficult to define or understand why there never seems to be agreement. However, I like to think it’s normal in a relationship because it seems that most couples share this same experience from time to time…Us guys just have to live with it and keep biting our tongue, zipping our lips, counting to 10, etc…
September 4, 2009